Another Story
by missyoufriend
Summary: She didn't know what to feel as she stared down at the stick in her hands, and the tiny little words that said  "positive" on the digital screen. T for now...will inform if it goes up to M :
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I'm baaaack! Got this idea in my head, so I'm writing it down as it comes. let's see what happens :) Enjoy!

She didn't know what to think. She didn't know what to feel as she stared down at the stick in her hands, and the tiny little words that said "positive" on the digital screen. Sliding down the bathroom wall, she dropped the stick and rested her head in her hands. "How did this happen?" she murmured. Knowing exactly how it happened, but not wanting to believe it. One night, one stupid, drunken night-she blamed Rigsby. It was his idea to go out for drinks after wrapping up a HUGE case, saying "Pizza was big enough," so that's exactly what they did...

FLASHBACK...

"Pizza isn't a big enough deal for this case, I'm feeling drinks," Rigsby said at the end of the work day, pulling on his coat. "Who's in?"

"Oh me," Grace yipped, getting up from her chair.

Cho nodded in acceptance as Lisbon entered the bullpen and all eyes went to Jane.

"I won't say no to a few. Jane, you coming?"

"Meh," Jane waved them off from his reclined position on touch. His head resting on his suit jacket balled up underneath him, hands clasped together over his torso.

"Oh, come on Jane," Rigsby whined as Lisbon rolled her eyes.

"Just leave him, he can't hold his liquor anyway,"

Jane shot up at that comment, his eyes twinkling slightly. "Oh really, who was it who downed 8 shots of whiskey for the sake of the sting?"

"Oh yeah and I remember THAT ride back to your house. And I remember sending you the bill to have my car cleaned after you puked in it," Lisbon shot back.

Jane stood, unraveling his coat and slipping into it. "Uh-huh, well I can't have that blemish on my name,"

They all shook their heads as Lisbon and Jane took the lead to the elevators.

Twenty minutes later Lisbon found that Jane had taken it upon himself to ride with her, implying that she could just drop him back at CBI when they were done. Once alone in the car, he angled himself towards her and stared.

"What?" Lisbon said, after about 2 minutes of the staring.

"I'm intrigued that you tried to use reverse psychology to get me to join you guys. Ulterior motives Lisbon?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Lisbon rolled her eyes. "Maybe I just genuinely wanted to take a shot at you,"

"Hmm..maybe, you do have that quality in you,"

Lisbon flashed him a satisfied grin.

"Nonetheless, i think you like seeing my drunk,"

"What?" Lisbon exclaimed, her eyes widening in surprise.

"You get a kick out of me not being in control and you actually being in control for once,"

"Oh really, cause i'm never in control?"

"I let you think you are, but most times..not really, no," he stated, almost thoughtfully.

Lisbon shook her head.

"You know this too and it drives you crazy, but I end up being right most of times, so you let me-"

"I let you!"

"Yes,"

Lisbon tightened her hands on the steering wheel, almost getting annoyed with him. "You are an arrogant bastard, you know that?"

"Ohh, language Lisbon," Jane feigned offense and covered his ears.

"It's true," Lisbon grumbled, slouching a little in her drivers seat.

Jane noted that he might of truly offended her and bit his bottom lip, lowering his gaze, he turned his neck to look out his window.

"Why do you always have to push my buttons and make me feel small?" Lisbon asked for a moment.

Jane looked back at her. "That's never my intention," he said sincerely, almost apologetically.

Lisbon rolled her eyes. "It seems like its your goal, every day,"

Jane let out a frustrated groan and looked down at his hands. "I have to have control of something," he mumbled and Lisbon caught the underlying meaning. He had no control of what happened to his wife and daughter and he has no control over Red John nor where they any close to finding him. The man needed something to ground him. Lisbon looked over at him and saw it all on his face. Reaching over she poked his arm with two fingers and smiled softly. "We'll just keep letting each other think the other is in charge and let it go,"

Jane let out a small chuckle, then looked over at Lisbon, flashing her his boyish smile.

PRESENT...

That damn boyish, impish, smile of his. That's where the blame should lay. Lisbon slowly pulled herself up off the floor and managed to make it to her bed before dizziness overcame her. Flopping down on the bed, she threw a hand over her forehead and let the other rest on her stomach, gently tapping it, as the memories from that night came rushing back..

FLASHBACK...

Downing another shot of tequila, Lisbon felt the liquid warm her entire body and shivered in response to it. No matter how many times she drank it, she still would never be immune to the effect it had on her. Van Pelt knocked down another Jager shot next to her, as the boys yelled in unison as she spit a little of it back out.

"It's okay, it's okay," Rigsby said, patting Van Pelt's back softly.

"No coddling," Jane yelled, how had just finished his 5th shot of Jack and was feeling the effects. His face was flushed and his eyes were sparkling, Lisbon knew it was the alcohol, but still was happy because he looked happy.

They all had crammed into the last booth at a local bar, Lisbon Van Pelt and Rigsby on one side, with Jane and Cho on the other. They had been there a good hour, everyone knocking back shots while Cho was working on his second beer. Swapping old police stories, while Jane gave his insight into the why's of everyone's motives in the story. It was all going well and Lisbon was enjoying letting loose a little bit after such a stressful, high profile case. Enough so that when a catchy song started playing on the bar, she felt her foot tapping to the beat under the table.

"This is a catchy song," Lisbon stated.

"It is," Rigsby agreed. "Come on Grace," he tugged on her arm until she gave up, following him a few feet from the table where they melded into each other's arms, letting the alcohol lead.

Lisbon smiled at them and shook her head, turning back to Cho and Jane and who were still staring at them. Her eyes then locked with Jane and she wanted to ask him, but she knew it would be a little too dangerous in her intoxicated state. And Cho was Cho, that would just be weird.

Lisbon was about to open her mouth to say something when a tall, dark-haired blue eyed gentlemen came leaning up against their booth. In jeans, nice shoes and a black v neck sweater, he flashed Lisbon a brillant smile and extended his hand. "Hi, I'm James, I couldn't help but notice you..."

Lisbon, taken aback by someone actually coming up to her, smiled warily. "Umm..Lisbon..Teresa Lisbon, sorry. This is Patrick and Cho...Kimball, I mean," Lisbon corrected with a "i'm sorry" face towards Cho.

"Nice to meet you fellas," James said leaning closer to Lisbon, as Jane's eyes brows peaked. "Would you care to dance?"

Any other day, Lisbon would of politely refused, but with alcohol and the need to be around another male besides Jane, made Lisbon beam a flirtatious smile and take his offered hand.

Any other day, Jane would of just leaned back with a smile and let it happen, just like he did with Mashburn. But today, he had 5, going on 6, shots of Jack in him, so his judgement and decision making skills were a little off. He felt his face take on a serious expression as a he felt his skin prickle as James slipped his arm around Lisbon's back and pull her close. He watched her tense at first, than relax immediately as he whispered something in her ear, making her laugh and lean against his shoulder.

All in good fun, he tried to tell himself, as he felt his hand gripping his shot glass a tighter than need be. The feeling of jealousy coming over him like a tidal wave, as the man's hand rested dangerously close to her lower back.

"You could just cut in," Cho stated.

Jane made himself looked down at his shot glass, then back up when he heard Lisbon laugh again. His heart seemed to seize up and he didn't know what his feet were doing when he stood up and headed in their direction.


	2. Chapter 2

He came up beside them just in time to overhear James comment on how beautiful Lisbon's eyes were. He watched Lisbon laugh and the blood rush to her cheeks. As she shook her head, her eyes caught Jane's and widened. He was standing in the middle of a few people dancing, his hands on the waistband of his slacks with an irked expression on his face, eyeing the taller man with, anger? She couldn't tell.

"Jane?" Lisbon stopped dancing. "You ok?"

Jane bit his bottom lip, eyeing James up and down, "Yeah, I'm fine,"

They stood there. Awkward exchanges between the three of them.

"May I?" Jane asked, motioning towards Lisbon, directing the comment at James as if he had asked him already.

"Umm..well I..." James fumbled over his words.

"Delightful," Jane smoothly slipped in front of the man, and slid his arm around Lisbon's waist, pulling her flush against him.

"Jane..what the hell?" Lisbon mumbled as Jane danced away from the still dumbfounded James standing in the middle of the room.

"Meh, he's not your type," Jane said with a cocky grin, glancing around the room, trying to look anywhere but in Lisbon's eyes.

"You ass, how do you know what my type is?" Lisbon went rigid in his arms, stiffly moving her legs as she glared at him.

"Mashburrr..hmmm," Jane's voice trailed off as his eyebrows crinkled in thought and his lips pressed into a thin line. "That doesn't help my case," he mumbled, noting the similarities between the two men.

"Uh-huh," Lisbon muttered, letting the alcohol in her system do it's bidding, she loosened in Jane's embrace, resting her head against her hand that was scooped around his shoulder, her thoughts trailing off to that night with Mashburn.

"Stop thinking about him," Jane muttered, swaying them in rhythm with the music.

"Hmm..jealous?" Lisbon could hear it in his voice, weather he denied it or not and Jane knew she was smiling, so he decided to throw her for one. Knowing she was expecting a smart ass remark back, he instead gripped her tighter, his head right next to hers, he buried his face in her hair almost nuzzling her neck.

"Yes," he whispered, almost child like.

"Oh Jane, stop it," Lisbon laughed in his hair, aware of dangerously close he was, she tried to laugh off the his moment of raw honesty. She tried not to think about the flip flops her stomach was doing or her body was starting to react to his closeness, his body pressed against hers, his breath tickling her neck through her hair.

"I'm serious," Jane pulled back, only slightly, to meet her glazed over gaze. His eye , he was sure, showed the effects as well, but they held each other there, as their bodies slowed.

Lisbon swallowed her mouth suddenly dry, she needed water, she needed air. All she wanted to do was to fall forward and kiss him, but the small part of her brain the alcohol hadn't reached yet, was winning. With all her might, she managed to get out "I need..." and pushed away from him, her body feeling significantly cooler without Jane pressed against it. Without looking back, she pushed past the people through the door that led to the bathrooms. She really didn't need anything, just to get away from Jane before her intoxicated self, and the intoxicated Jane, did something stupid. Going past the bathrooms, she pushed open the door she knew let her out to the side of the building, in a decently lit alley way. The cold air hitting her, she shivered and wrapped her arms around herself. Leaning against the side of the building, she took a couple of deep breaths, trying to slow her rapid heart beat. She heard the door open beside her and she knew who it was without looking up.

Keeping her arms crossed and her head down, she squeezed her shut, trying to grasp at the last cells in her brain that were sober. She felt his warm body in front of her, heard his slow, controlled breathing. She smelled the Jack on him and let out a deep breath, as if giving in to the inevitable.

She heard his shoes scrape against the asphalt as he scooted closer, one hand going to rest on her hip while they other hooked a finger under her chin to raise her head.

She met his eyes, the bluest she had ever seen them, and her heart melted just a little bit as her stomach started doing flip flops again.

His eyes searched her face and once he was sure she wasn't going anywhere, he let his hand slide from her chin back towards her ear, through her hair, resting on the back of her neck.

Lisbon felt her breath hitch in her throat as Jane pulled her face close to his. His mouth by her ear he whispered in a dangerously deep voice "I need you Teresa," and she felt her almost buckle beneath her.

He wrapped his arm around her waist and pushed her against the wall to keep her up, Lisbon took in a deep breath as she hit the wall, but she didn't mind. His body was pressed against hers, she could feel how much he wanted her and she was beginning to feel the warmth spread through her as her body started to react.

Lisbon's hands were against his chest, in a weak attempt to keep something between them. She felt Jane nuzzle through her hair to the exposed skin on her neck and then his warm, soft lips started pressing slow tantalizingly kisses up it's length to her chin.

Lisbon groaned as he sucked here and there, crossing over to the other side of her neck and working his way down, pressing his body against her.

He stopped when he reached her collarbone and brought his face back up to meet hers, ghosting his lips across her cheeks, then staying over her lips, not quite touching them.

Lisbon held her breath, as her eyes locked on to his lips.

Jane's breathing was heavy, as his hand gripped her waist. "Let's go somewhere," he whispered on her lips.

Lisbon found herself nodding, as Jane pullled away, taking her hand in his and tugging her out into the street. "What about the guys?" Lisbon twisted to glance back at the building, as Jane came to a halt, tugging her around to face him. With one hand holding onto hers, the other scooped behind her head and brought her to his in a mind numbing, explosions in the sky, kiss. If he was sober, he might of made taken the time to kiss her sweetly, tease her even. But the alcohol in his system and his need for her was far beyond his physical control. His tongue pushed past her lips and into her mouth, meeting hers in a fierce battle. He gripped hair as she returned the kiss, letting go of her hand, letting his fall to her hip.

Lisbon slipped an arm under his coat, around his waist and pulled herself closer to him, pressing her body against his, in desperate need for more contact.

In need for oxygen, they pulled apart, lips red, faces flushed, out of breath. Jane smiled at the sight of Lisbon's somewhat dazed expression, as he leaned away and stuck his arm out into the street, hailing a cab.

a/n : hope you guys enjoy this chapter! sorry it took a couple of days, i had to write this part a couple of times to get it the way i wanted. Enjoy!


	3. Chapter 3

a/n- sorry for the delay. (thanks littlemender for helping me out) enjoy.

PRESENT...

Lisbon groaned and sat up in bed, remembering that night. Glancing over at her bedroom door she remembered Jane swinging it open and hit the wall behind it, leaving a mark. She saw it now, never really bothering to cover it up. Everything that happened that night was all fuzzy. She remembered it being hard and fast, amazing but fast, and afterwards they cuddled until she fell asleep and when she woke up he was gone. She was a little upset about that, feeling slightly used and a little cheap, but she knew couldn't even imagine what he could possible be going through. Her being the first woman he's probably been with since his wife. So, the following day they carried on like nothing had happened.

Jane was a little more quiet, a little less verbal. Lisbon noticed the may not have discussed what happened, but Jane seemed a little more comfortable around her. Not that he wasn't already, but a little more so. The past month and half he often laid on her couch, which is probably why he opted to buy her a new one, discussing outside work things with her. He always made it a point to touch her, for any given reason, occasionally his touch lingering, there eyes locking and both of them feeling the pull towards each other. But nothing ever happened.

Except now. Now a month and half after that drunken night, and both of them writing it off like it had never happened, here she sat, feeling sick to her stomach, alone and pregnant. Her arm went over her stomach instinctively as she tried to figure out what to do next. Tell Jane? Not tell Jane? Tell Hightower?

Lisbon groaned as she thought of the job repercussions that were going to take place. No field work, less work entirely. Lisbon punched the pillow next to her at the thought, now she was just getting angry. Angry that she had let it happen, angry that Jane wasn't here, angry of how the situation played out, like it had meant nothing and now...she stopped and thought about it, it would be Jane's child. Jane had had a child once, and he was really good with kids, but this would be HIS kid. Would he even want to be apart of the childs life?

Letting out another groan, Lisbon sat up. She could really use some alcohol right now, but settled for a glass of water. Wiping the water that dripped from her chin, Lisbon glanced at the clock, cursed, then set about getting ready for work.

xxxx

Jane lay on Lisbon's couch. His hands intertwined and neatly resting on his chest, as his eyes were closed and to anyone that peaked in, they would think he was the perfect picture of a peaceful sleep. But in truth, he wasn't sleeping at all. He hadn't slept well at all in the past month and half. Inner turmoil were the only words to describe what he was going through.

Were the feelings he expressed for Lisbon that night true, yes. Did he want them to come out in that way, intoxicated and with rough, eager sex, no. He just didn't want her ending up, that night, having that kind of sex with James. Ugh, the man's name coming to his mind still bugged him. He wanted to be the one to make Lisbon laugh and smile, he loved it when he could one of the big smiles from her, he delighted in it.

But that night, he was in the wrong state of mind to do what he did, and he was quiet surprised Lisbon didn't come in the next morning yelling at him for being an ass. For getting up in the the middle of the night and leaving her. He didn't want to go, but he knew neither of them would of been able to face each other the next morning.

He could still remember her lips, the way her warm skin felt against his. The way his hands glided over every curve of her body, how she gasped his name as they made love. He hated leaving her in the middle of the night, he was sure it didn't make her feel the greatest, but he had his own demons to battle.

But the next day and the day after, Lisbon said nothing. She was a little quiet, maybe almost timid at first, but he made it apparent he didn't want what had happened to be the end of them. So, he did the little things for her. Like bringing her fresh fruit, bear claws from Marie's, coffee, anything that would make her smile. He would find his hand going instinctively to the small of her back when they walked or holding onto her wrist to keep her from going somewhere, his hand always lingering longer than necessary. He hoped he was getting his point across to her, he believed he was. But still they never spoke of that night.

He heard voices out in the bullpen and peeked open eye. Glance at the clock on the wall, his lips curved downward in a frown as he noticed it was already 9 and Lisbon hadn't showed. Flipping open his phone he shot her a quick text, then resumed his sleeping position.

A few minutes later he heard footsteps, expecting them to be Lisbon's he was surprised when Hightower's voice boomed throughout Lisbon's office.

"Jane, get up, you guys got a case,"

Jane opened his eyes slowly. "Where's Lisbon?"

"She called in sick, and she must be to call in,"

Jane's brow furrowed. "Must be" he mumbled, slowly rising.

xxxx

She hated to do it, but she knew she couldn't handle facing Jane or the team today, not after her early morning discovery. She bought the pregnancy tests a couple of days, after a few days of being overly tired, moody, and hungry constantly. She finally decided to take one after being 2 days late and starting to feel queasy. She did a good job of hiding her discomfort yesterday, but when she woke up this morning and emptied the contents of her stomach, she knew wouldn't make it through today.

So she spent the day sleeping. She heard her phone go off a couple of times, but she didn't bother looking, she knew who was trying to get in touch with her. She made a phone call later that day, making the necessary appointment that followed a positive pregnancy test, then went back to bed.

She woke sometime later that evening, staring at the ceiling in her bedroom, lost in thought, when her phone started going off. Reaching over she saw it was Jane, drawing a deep breath she answered it. "Hello," she had barely used her voice at all today, so it was scratch and sounded somewhat hoarse.

"Hey, I've been trying to get a hold of you all day, you never answered,"

"Yeah, i've been out of it..sorry," she said, knowing it was a lame excuse.

"How are you feeling?"

Lisbon looked down at her stomach, "I think it's just one of those 24 hr things,"

"Well, you weren't feeling well yesterday, thought you tried to hide it,"

Lisbon rolled her eyes, he knew her too well. "I tried,"

There was a pause in their conversation.

"Did you...did you need dinner or want dinner or anything?"

"No, no...I'm fine..I've got soup here,"

"Ok, good. Soup is good when you're sick, soup is...good," he was grasping at straws now. He wanted to be there for her and take care of her while she was sick, but he hadn't stepped foot inside her place since that night.

"Yeah, that's what they say," Lisbon rolled over on her side, tucking her arm around her stomach and closing her eyes.

"Do..um..you need some company?"

Lisbon was silent for a moment, contemplating her next move.

"It's alright, I won't be offended if you say no, I'd understand. I just know I don't like to be alone when I'm sick,"

"Well, men are babies,"

"That's true, that's true,"

Lisbon could hear his smile and couldn't help by smile herself. "I think I'm good,"

"Okay," Jane said softly.

Lisbon knew he wanted to say more, but really couldn't handle it at the moment. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow,"

"Yeah, yeah...sleep well,"

"You too,"

Jane flipped his phone closed and sighed. Reaching down, he reclined his seat and and settled himself in for the night. Crossing his arms over his chest, he let his gaze rest on the apartment complex, mainly the one building, in front of him. If she decided at some point she needed him, he would be there.


	4. Chapter 4

Lisbon entered her office the next morning, to find a doggie bag from marie's and a cup of coffee sitting on her desk. She glanced over at her couch to find the culprit, seemingly sleeping comfortable.

"Morning Jane," she called out, setting her briefcase down and peeking into the bag, smiling when she saw two of her favorite pastries sitting at the bottom.

"Good morning," Jane slowly sat up, a lazy smile on his face as he watched Lisbon take a bite of the bear claw. "Feeling better?"

Lisbon nodded and sat down at her desk. "Cho, caught me up to speed on the case. You think it's the wife?"

"Do I think the wife killed her husband because he was having an affair with his hot assistant? Yes, i got that vibe from her,"

Lisbon shook her head. "How about facts, rather than vibe,"

"Meh," Jane waved her off with his hand, his face suddenly turning serious as Lisbon's eyes widened. "What's wrong?"

Lisbon glanced down at the pastry in her hand as her stomach started churning. Apparently her favorite pastry was not the chosen pastry of the baby inside of her. Lunging for her waste basket next to her desk, she reached it just in time to spit back up the bite she had taken.

"Whoah, hey..ew" Jane made a face, but jumped up to help her.

"Must be something bad," placed her hand over her stomach.

"Here," Jane handed her a tissue to wipe her chin and mouth, then quickly exited out into the bullpen, returning a few moments later with a bottle of water. "You sure you're all better?"

Lisbon rolled her eyes and took a swig of water. "Yeah, I'll be fine,"

Jane was about to make another comment, but Cho stuck his head in the door. "Boss, we caught a lead on the wife's friend. We need to get to her,"

Lisbon nodded.

"You alright?" Cho asked.

"I'm fine," Lisbon said in low voice and a look in Cho's direction that sent him back into the bullpen.

"Don't scare him, he was just concerned," Jane chided, his hand sliding from her shoulder across her back.

Lisbon sighed and leaned back into his touch, letting out a small groan.

"You sure you're-"

"I'm fine, Jane," Lisbon snapped, getting to her feet.

xxxx

One week. She managed to go one week, and she thought she was doing rather well. Hiding the morning sickness, keeping her verbalizing of her cravings to a minimum, she satisfied them quietly and in her own time. It wasn't until her, Jane, and Van Pelt were visiting a flight risk witness. The man seemed edgy the whole time they were talking with him, Jane constantly pushing the man's buttons wasn't making it better.

It was when bullets came flying out of the the closet door, Jane noticed Lisbon duck first, one hand going across her stomach, in a protective, motherly instinct way and then after a second or two, she reached for her gun, but Van Pelt already had fired a few rounds into the closet, silencing the intruder.

"You okay, Jane?" Lisbon asked, coming up from her knees.

Jane stared at her, his wide mouth open. "You...you didn't reach for gun,"

They held eachothers gaze for a moment, before Lisbon turned and quickly walked away from him.

An hour later, they were back at headquarters. Lisbon, noticing Jane's eyes never leaving her, hastened to get to her office and shut the door, but to no avail. He was right on her tail from the moment they stepped out of the elevator to the shutting of her door, he managed to get his whole arm through before it made it closed.

"What do you want Jane?" she didn't even turn to look at him, she knew he knew.

Jane shut the door behind him and turned to her, hands on his hips, eyes wide. "Is there something you need to tell me?"

"Like what?"

Jane's eyes flicked to her stomach then back at her.

Lisbon's hand retreated to the instinctive position on her stomach, but quickly dropped it to her side. "I don't-"

"You're pregnant, how could I have missed that? No coffee, throwing up the bear claw. Abnormally quiet, trying to reign in your anger, less stress,"

Lisbon glared at him.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Jane," Lisbon spoke in a low voice. "Not here...please,"

He dropped his hands to his side and paced the room. Turning back to her he simply asked. "Is it...mine?"

Lisbon scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Because I sleep with a different man each night?"

"Well we haven't really been involved in each other's personal lives very much, have we?"

Lisbon's eyes narrowed as she took a step toward him. "You left me that night," she hissed at him. "Don't you dare put that on me, you've said NOTHING about that night. How in the hell do you think that makes me feel?"

Jane bit the inside of his cheek and looked down and around the office, anywhere but in her eyes. "How long have you known?"

"A week, I go to the dcotors next week to officially confirm it, but i think peeing on 3 sticks and coming back with a positive is pretty damn clear,"

"You still need to go to the -"

"I am," Lisbon cut him off.

"Why didn't you tell me when you found out," Jane whispered, taking a step towards her. He wanted to hug her, he wanted to shake her, he wanted to run, he wanted to smile, he wanted to cry. Another round of inner turmoil and utter confusion began to settle in him.

"Well, like you said, we haven't really been involved in each other's lives," Lisbon said quietly, her fingers picking at the edge of her desk.

"Yeah," Jane said in a hoarse whisper and with one last glance he fled her office.

Lisbon let out a sigh and leaned against her desk. She knew this had the potential of possible unhinging Jane and she never wanted that.

"Boss, you okay?" Grace asked quietly from the doorway. "Jane seemed a little upset just now,"

"Yeah," Lisbon said "You know Jane, he doesn't like being shot at it,"

"Yeah, i guess...well...are you okay?"

Lisbon could tell Grace was uncomfortable and it was starting to make her uncomfortable. She felt she like was on the verge of tears, but knew that would probably be a dead give away. "I'm fine Van Pelt," said a little more harshly than necessary, throwing in a glare for good measure.

Van Pelt nodded and slipped away, closing the door behind her.

Rubbing her hands over her face, Lisbon let out a frustrated, mangled sigh. All week she had been doing well, and instead of reaching for her gun, ducking first, THAT was the give away for Jane. She thought about seeking him out, going off on him and telling him to man up, but then another part of her knew she couldn't imagine what he was going through. He had had a wife, he had a child and they were taken from him. And what they had was a one nightstand, which was resulting in another child for him.

For a moment, ice cold fear gripped her and she thought about what would happen if this spooked Jane off for good. As if this child could replace Charlotte. And then another fear crossed her mind, Red John. What if Red John found out? Lisbon's stomach started turning again and all Lisbon wanted to do was to run, far, far away.

Jane drove aimlessly. He didn't know where he was going or where he was going to end up, he just knew he need to be far away from Lisbon. His thoughts were frantic and his heart was heavy, yet elated at the same time. He loved Lisbon. He knew this. He also knew if anything were to ever come of it, it would mean a target on Lisbon's head. Now there was one on hers AND their child's. Jane slammed his palm down the steering wheel. "Damn it," he yelled to no one, as tears pricked his vision.

Then he had another train of that that. A child. Having another child again, what if it was possible? What if this time he could keep them safe? To be with Lisbon and having a kid. He shook his head, it just wasn't possible. He wasn't meant to be happy, but to be tortured and to have what he wanted either dangled in front of him or to just be taken away.

One night, one stupid drunken night. He didn't want Lisbon with another man. He didn't want another man kissing her or another man's hands on her, HE wanted her. He wanted to be the one doing all of those things, so he did. It was an amazing, intoxicating night, and he kicked himself for leaving afterwards, also for never having the courage to actually talk with her about what had happened.

His heart was twist and torn, as the unknown lay before him. He just wanted to run far, far away.

a/n: Enjoy. Reviews make my day :)


	5. Chapter 5

A/N : Thanks for the reviews guys! i'm really enjoying writing this story, hope you guys enjoy this next chapter, it's gonna really pick up after this one :)

Lisbon stayed late that night. Finishing up paperwork, filing reports, any mundane task she could think of, she didn't want to go home. It was around 7:00 when she realized she hadn't eaten, and that it was actually 7:00. She penned her signature on a piece of paper and moved to the next one when a fast food bog was plopped on her desk.

For a moment she expected it to be Jane, but she smiled softly when her gaze met Cho's.

"You staying late?" Cho reached in and pulled out a burger, then pulled one out for himself.

"Paperwork," Lisbon said, taking the burger from him.

Cho plopped down in the chair in front of her desk and unwrapped his burger. He was silent for a moment as Lisbon started on her burger, than after the first swallow he asked "So you're pregnant?"

Lisbon coughed and choked, as her eyes widened. "What?"

"You and Jane, that night at the bar a month ago,"

"How did you..."

"I'm almost more observant that Jane is sometimes," Cho said casually, taking another bite out of his sandwich.

Lisbon looked down at her flat stomach, trying to imagine what it would look like in a few months.

"And Jane found out today?"

She nodded slowly.

"But you guys haven't been dating or seeing each other, other than work, since that night?"

"Haven't even spoke of it,"

Cho nodded. "Want me and Rigsby to take him out back?"

Lisbon cracked a smile at Cho's complete seriousness of the matter and shook her head.

Cho was silent for a moment as he finished off his sandwich and crumpled up the paper.

"Look, don't tell anyone, I'd like to go a long as I can before I tell Hightower,"

Cho nodded. "If you need anything, let me know, I'm there...especially if...just know I'm around if you need help with anything,"

"Thank-you, Cho, I appreciate that,"

Cho nodded and stood. "Don't stay too late boss,"

Lisbon smiled as Cho gathered up the garbage and with one last nod left. She could always count on Cho, and she was thankful and took some comfort in that.

It was another hour and a half before Lisbon called it a night. Turning off her light, locking up her office, she glanced listlessly over at the empty couch then headed for the elevators.

It was a chilly February evening for Sacramento, the wind not helping much, Lisbon tugged her coat tighter around herself, shoving her hands in her pocket, and headed for her car.

Stopping dead in her tracks when she saw Jane leaning against the side of her car, hands in his pocket, staring down at his shoes. She stopped a few feet from him, waiting for him to pick his head up.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled.

Lisbon was silent.

"I..." he pushed himself from the car and slowly closed the gap between them. Stoping just few inches from her. "I'm sorry I left..that night. I'm sorry, I never said anything after..I'm sorry, I left today," he peeked one eye up at her, she was staring at down at him. Not yelling, hitting or pulling her gun, so he continued. "I never...I..." he struggled, shaking his head in frustration. "I just ...I want you to be safe,"

"Jane-"

"I don't want there to be a mark on your head or our child's because of me,"

"And I don't want to to this alone," Lisbon retorted.

Silence fell between them. "I...care for you...Teresa...you know that...I'm just...I'm terrified, absolutely terrified of something happening to you,"

Lisbon sighed. "You don't give me any credit. I'm a cop, remember,"

"Teresa...this is Red John we are talking about, come on," Jane inched closer, his voice pleading with her.

Lisbon bit her bottom lip and looked at him. "I hear you Jane, trust me, I've thought of Red John too. But like it or not this is how the cards are playing out. You can either watch from afar, thinking you are keeping me safe and this baby, or you can be apart and trust that we and the people we surround ourselves with, can keep this child safe,"

Jane let out a mangled sigh.

"Are you...even the slightest bit happy? Just a a smidge... to know you are gonna be dad again?,"

Jane stared at her and Lisbon could see the torment in his eyes. It was such a loaded question with too many variables for his liking. "I don't know,"

He hated the look on her face. He hated that he knew that answer would hurt her. He looked at her as she tried to regain her composure.

" This isn't how I expected to be a mom for the first time. Nor am I entirely ecstatic that it is yours, but, it took two of to us to do this, and i guess only one have us has to raise him," Lisbon walked past him, but he reached out and grabbed hold of her arm.

"I just want...you guys to be safe,"

"Or maybe you don't want the responsibility. You want to be reckless with your life and go after Red John, no matter what and so you are telling yourself that you just want us safe, just to justify your selfishness,"

It was Jane's turn to be silent as Lisbon pulled her arm out of his grasp. "Do what you want Jane, you always have," and with that she slid into her car, tears starting to descend her face, and she drove off, leaving him in the parking lot.

xxxx

Two weeks passed. They hadn't spoken of the baby since that night in the parking lot. Her morning sickness wasn't too bad, her cravings were random little things nothing major. Jane didn't outright avoid, but he only talked about work around her and when others weren't around he would just slip away. Lisbon found herself spending her time with Cho, who had kept his word and told anybody about the baby, not even Jane. He often made sure she had eaten her lunch and dinner, and if she hadn't he would promptly produce a meal.

On this particular day, they had all crammed into the van and headed down to Oakland, having been called to a crime scene. It was a silent ride, and as they all filed out Jane found himself drawn to Lisbon's side. He wasn't sure why, but he had a bad feeling about this one.

They ducked under the police tape and into the house where they were met by an officer, who explained to them that the lady had come home found the body, a note from her husband that said he was sorry, but no sign of the husband.

As the officer pushed open the door to the room where body was and they all filed in, Lisbon's eyes started burning with tears at the sight of two small, boy and girl, bloodied bodies lying on the floor.

"Oh my god," Grace gasped, her hand going to her mouth.

Lisbon froze, clutching on to the dresser for support as tears started burning her eyes.

Jane too, felt his heart go cold at the sight before them, his hand slipped around Lisbon's elbow, gently tugging her back. "Lisbon,"

Her body was frozen, she couldn't tear her gaze away, how could someone do that to their children?

"The mom swears up and down her husband wouldn't do something like this, but with him nowhere to be found, who knows? Poor kids," the deputy said, glancing down at the bodies.

Lisbon nodded, finally finding her voice. "Cho, you and Rigsby look around," she took a deep breath and continued. "Grace, Jane...go talk to the mom, I need some air," turning around she quickly and exited the room.

The rest of they day past agonizingly slow. Lisbon couldn't get the image of the little girl out of her mind, and found her hand resting on stomach frequently throughout the day. She felt Jane's eyes on her throughout the day, which didn't really make her feel better. All she wanted to do was go home and curl up in bed. She managed to make it through the day till 5, when Cho entered her office to ask how she was doing.

"You okay boss?" he leaned against the back of the chair in front of her.

Lisbon nodded her head. "I think so,"

"You haven't eaten today, what do you want for dinner?"

"I think I'm just gonna go home actually, thanks though,"

Cho nodded. "Ok. Call if you need anything,"

Lisbon made it through her front door and halfway up the stairs before she broke down. Tears falling down her face, she crumpled on the steps and just cried. She wasn't entirely sure why she was crying, she just felt such a heavy burden on her heart since earlier that morning at the crime scene and this seemed like the only way to release it.

Seeing the little girl, gunned down, blood everywhere, it made Lisbon begin to seriously think of changing jobs. She always got threats, shot at, people disliking her, any one of those could easily go bad fast.

She was so caught up with her tears almost didn't feel her phone vibrating in her pocket. Without even glancing at the caller ID she flipped it open, "Hello?" she knew she her voice sounded bad, but she didn't care.

"Let me in," his voice was soft and caring, Lisbon didn't even think twice as she stumbled down the steps and unlocked the front door. They stood there for a moment, before Jane slowly stepped inside. Lisbon didn't move from her spot, holding on to the door so they were inches apart.

Jane reached forward, resting his hands on her elbows he gently tugged her forward. And that was all she needed.

As the tears came this time, she clung to him, and he held her tightly, whispering over and over that he was sorry. He kicked the door shoot with his foot, not wanting to let her go.

"How...how could..."

"I know, I know," Jane felt tears sting his eyes as he knew what the real pain felt like.

Lisbon looked up at him, realizing for the time that Jane really did know and more how she was feeling. Her eyes flicked from his clouded over blue ones, down to his lips.

"I'm here for you Teresa. I always will be," he whispered, before his lips descended upon hers, capturing them in a slow, tantalizing kiss.

Lisbon froze for a moment, then returned it with force, needing to forget, needing the comfort of knowing he was there, even if may just be for that moment. Wrapping her arms around his neck, his fingers tangling in his curls, she felt his hands slide under her blazer and travel up and down her back, tugging at her shirt to untuck it. His hands burned against her warm skin and she shivered at the contact, making Jane wrap his arms around her more tightly as they started for her bedroom.

Clothes and shoes were discarded along the way, just as they reached the bedroom, Jane slowly lowered Lisbon down to the bed. He paused for a moment, his thumb rubbing circles on her hip, his other hand tangled in her hair.

"I want to be here, for you and the baby, please?"

Lisbon felt a tear slip down her face as Jane leaned down and kissed it away.

"I'm sorry I haven't been-" Lisbon cut him off as she pressed her lips against his.

"We can talk later, I need you Patrick," she whispered.

Jane smiled against her lips as they continued the process, thinking for once, things might actually be okay. This could work.


	6. Chapter 6

He watched her as she slept, taking in the moment and trying to savor it for as long as it could possible last. Soon she would wake up and the day would start and he knew they needed to talk, but he just didn't want to move from where he was.

Lisbon was nestled at his side, one hand tucked under her chin, the other draped across his bare torso. It felt so right, so natural. He pulled her a little closer and she gave his body a little squeeze as she buried her face in his chest, licking her lips in her sleep then letting her mouth fall open slightly.

He smiled. Yes, this moment was perfect, he didn't want it to end. But then, the alarm went off and Lisbon slowly woke from her slumber.

Jane reached over and hit it off, then slid his arm atop Lisbon's. "Morning sleepy,"

"Hi," Lisbon mumbled, not even opening her eyes.

"You are adorable in the morning,"

Lisbon smiled, still not opening her eyes, and buried her head further against him, bashfully.

"I'm sorry I missed it last time,"

Lisbon heard the remorse in his tone and peeked one eye up at him. Not really knowing what to say to that, she stretched and placed a soft kiss on his stubbly cheek. "Well, hopefully we'll have more mornings like this," it was a statement, but also a question.

In response Jane gently turned Lisbon over so that she was on her back, dropping a soft kiss on her lips, before making his way down through the valley of her chest, all the way to her navel where he stopped. "Baaby," he softly called out, looking up at Lisbon with a smile.

"This is your dad," he continued, "I'm sorry you haven't heard my voice lately, but I know Uncle Cho has probably been talking your ear off,"

Lisbon laughed and tugged at Jane's hair.

"But I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere," he was speaking to the baby, but his eyes were locked with Lisbon's, speaking to her too.

Lisbon's face was serious, she knew he was talking to her, and she nodded slowly, encouraging him to continue.

"Now, I'm little out there...a little crazy sometimes," he kissed Lisbon's stomach softly as she smiled at the comment, "But I promise to be there for you and your mom. Your mom is something special. She's small, fierce, has amazing green eyes, and she's not scared to pull on a gun on me if she needs to, but she knows that that scares me so she tries to not, I don't think you have anything to worry about,"

"Shut up," Lisbon pulled a strand of his hair and giggled as Jane laughed against her stomach, his hands other side of it tracing little patterns up and down.

"I can't wait to meet you," he placed another kiss on the center of Lisbon's stomach, then felt her hands on either side his face as she tugged him back up.

"Do you mean it?" she asked, once they were eye to eye and he was hovering over her.

"Even if you weren't pregnant...I've never stopped thinking about that night,"

"I've noticed my bag of Marie's every morning," Lisbon ran her fingertips up and down his chest.

"Well, good," he whispered, lowering his mouth to her jaw line, tracing it back to her ear lobe where slowly started sucking at it.

"We really should get going, that is the alarm for work,"

"Meh," Jane mumbled against her skin, as he made his way down her neck.

"Meh, yourself," Lisbon pushed his head aside softly, laughing as he carefully rolled off her, dropping beside her.

"No morning-" he stopped when he realized her scrambling attempts to get out of bed and then head for the bathroom. "Uhh..maybe I ...I spoke to soon," he mumbled to himself as the sounds of her dry heaving came from the bathroom.

After pulling on boxers he went downstairs, returning a few minutes later to find her pulling on tank top. He leaned against the door frame, admiring her in just a tank top and panties for a moment before she turned around and caught him, her blushing making him grin even bigger.

"What do you have?" she asked, eyeing the objects in his hand.

"Water and cheese, unfortunately you have no ..real food in your house, why is that?"

"I don't spend much time here,"

"Hmm..well I'll fix that later. Eat this, you'll feel better," he handed her the piece of cheese.

"No way, I feel sick to my stomach, I don't want that coming back up,"

"Trust me, you'll feel better. I've been through this before,"

Lisbon gave him look, taking the piece of cheese. Shooting him one more unsure glance, she folded it into a square and popped it in her mouth, pulling a pair tan slacks out of her closet.

"But you look so cute like that," Jane commented, seated on the edge of her bed.

Lisbon shook her head, not even bothering to turn around.

"So..what about work?" Jane asked, slowly buttoning his wrinkled blue button down shirt from the day before.

"Technically we aren't breaking rules. You don't work for me, we work together, you are consultant-"

"So you just wanna tell Hightower today? And the baby part too?"

"Uh, no I'm holding out as long as possible,"

"Why?"

"I don't wanna be treated differently and I don't want limited duty just yet,"

"It's safer," Jane said seriously.

"I can handle it,"

"Stress can cause terrible-"

"Jane, please?" Lisbon walked over to him as he zipped up his pants and slid her arms around his waist. "My timing ok? It's my life that's about to change,"

"Our life, okay. Mine too. I promise you, I'm here, I'm in this, I want this," he said clasping his hands behind her back.

"Yes, but you won't be on limited duty, you won't be the one not able to do their job to their fullest extent, I have to deal with that,"

Jane sighed in defeat. "Alright,"

"Thank-you. When we tell Hightower about the baby, we'll tell her about us, obviosuly, but until then..it's under wraps,"

Jane let out an annoyed sighed and looked at the wall behind Lisbon's head.

"Even from Cho and Rigsby,"

"Now that's not fair,"

"I don't plan on telling Grace,"

"She's a woman, she'll know,"

"Oh, please," Lisbon detangled herself from his hold, going back into the closet to grab her blazer.

"She'll know," Jane chanted, pulling on his vest.

They finished getting dressed, ate a hurried breakfast and all too soon parted ways, but not before a long and intense make out session as Lisbon was trying to get in her car. A session leaving them both panting and wanting more, and with promises to take care of that later Lisbon smoothed her hair and Jane fixed his pants, they got in their separate cars and left for work.

They day was uneventful, and the day after, and the day after that. Easy cases were handed to them and they closed them within a few days without much drama. That was the one thing Lisbon realized one day, they had just finished questioning a witness and Jane had wanted to try a wild plan that looked like a small chance of decent outcome. They were alone in the room that overlooked the viewing room and after Jane hatched out his plan, with Lisbon vehemently opposing, she suddenly put her head in her hands and sighed.

Jane looked at with concern and stepped closer, his hand going to her elbow. "You okay?"

"You stress me out," she snapped.

Jane thought a moment. "Or we could do it your way, my plan is kinda crazy,"

It was a like a light bulb turned on in Lisbon's head and her head shot up, her eyes wide and a grin on her face. "Patrick Jane, have I found a way to tame you!"

"No, no," he raised a pointed finger at her, "I'm just trying ...I don't want to stress you out, it's not good for the-"

"Hush," Lisbon swatted at his finger.

"I am not tamed, I'm just being considerate-"

"Uh-huh," Lisbon walked away, a grin on her face. She was going to enjoy these next 7 months of a Jane that didn't want to cause trouble.

a/n: okay so maybe this was my fluff chapter. hope you guys enjoyed, i really enjoyed writing this chapter :)


	7. Chapter 7

By the time Lisbon hit was hitting the two month mark in the the pregnancy, Jane was practically living at her apartment with her. They would leave work separately, arrive at Lisbon's apartment about the same time. After a round in the bedroom, or any flat surface in the apartment, Jane would make a dinner while Lisbon relaxed on the couch or occasionally helped out. Then they would watch a movie, talk, play some sort of board game which in the end always resulting in Lisbon getting angry at Jane for outplaying her. Every once in a while they would go out, but Lisbon was sensitive to random smells and anything could trigger a trip to the bathroom. Plus they didn't want to chance someone seeing them together. They enjoyed their time of being together, no matter where they were or what activity they did.

It was nearing the 3 month mark and Lisbon was annoyed. She wasn't showing yet, but she felt like it. Her trips to the bathroom were not as much, but she still felt queasy constantly. And Jane's promise to be good and not cause her stress was only holding up about half the time, and today was one of those days, were he was stressful.

He had 'poked the big wig' as like to put it, and now she was paying for it. After first getting a visit from Hightower and then a phone call from Bertram, Lisbon was about ready to throw up for completely different reasons.

Seeing Jane waltzing into her office after she got off that last phone call, did absolutely nothing to help her mood. Wadding up a piece of paper she chucked it at him.

"Hey, what -oh," Jane took a step back as he noted the serious glare on her face, with no room for messing around. "Look, about Anders-"

"Jane, I don't want to hear it. I've already gotten chewed out by Hightower and Bertram. JUDGE Anders," she put empathizes on the judge part "is pissed,"

"Judge Anders is a psychopathic liar, power, control freak. Who, if I might add, killed Susan Holden cause she knew it too. I don't see why you don't arrest him already,"

"Cause we can't just go around arresting Judges!" LIsbon yelled.

Jane raised his hands in the air in defeat and bobbled his head from side to side, "Fine, fine," he mumbled, mingling over to the couch and plopping down in a huff.

"Jane," his name came out a strangled groan from her mouth as she dropped her head in her hands.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, fighting back the urge to walk over to her and wrap his arms around her. He bit his bottom lip and looked over at her. "Do you want me to go?"

Lisbon shot him another glare, before resuming work at her computer and Jane slowly laid down on the couch. It was silent, except for the voices outside her office and the occasional phone ringing. Lisbon's fingers strumming over the keys as she did research on their suspect soon put Jane in a semi tranze.

Moments later, he heard he roll of the wheels on her chair and the scuff of her shoes as she stood. A second later he heard her voice outside the office and his brow furrowed and he sat up.

"Cho and Rigsby, you come with me. Van Pelt, you stay here, keep an eye on Jane,"

"Hey," Jane reached out , slipping his fingers around Lisbon's elbow and tugging her back. "What's going on?"

"You're staying here,"

"Where are you going?"

"To get some evidence and YOU are staying here,"

"Why?" Jane whined.

"Cause you are stressing me out and quite frankly I'm pissed at you,"

Jane stared at her, trying to figure out if this was an act or if she was serious. The weariness in face and the sternness in her eyes, told him she was completely serious. He had crossed the line, again, and now he was in the dog house. Shoving his hands in his pocket, he looked down at the ground.

Lisbon let her gaze linger on him one more second before turning and leaving.

It was on the drive to apartment complex Lisbon's phone vibrated with a text message from Jane that read: Be careful. I am REALLY sorry. She closed her phone without even responding and stared out the window.

"Jane, Jane...there was an accident. Lisbon's in the hospital," the voice seemed far off and Jane felt his heart stop and his whole body go numb. He couldn't move. He couldn't breath. The noises around him seemed dim as Grace repeated the statement and shook his shoulder.

He didn't remember the ride over to the hospital, just the various details. Anders off his rocker...pulled a gun...Lisbon took it in the ribs...that's where he stopped listening. His mind went to a thousand different places, but none that he could voice. He couldn't voice anything. He stumbled out of the car as soon as Grace pulled up to the front and somehow found his way inside.

"Cho," Jane managed to rasp out as he spotted him standing by the wall right by the door where they couldn't enter.

Unfolding his arms he walked over to Jane. "She's gonna be alright. They got the bullet out, repaired most of the damage,"

Letting out a breath as if he had been holding it the whole time he dropped his hands down to his knees, bending over to keep from falling over completely on the ground. "Thank-god," he breathed.

"Jane," Cho's tone was serious and Jane heard the sadness in his voice. He looked up and instantly knew.

"No,"

"The bullet nicked the placenta sac, coupled with the amount of blood less..there was nothing they could do,"

Jane felt the tears build as he looked back down at the ground, the world starting to swim around him.

"I'm sorry Jane,"

Jane glanced over and saw Rigsby sitting in the waiting chair with his head in his hands, Cho must of told him. Looking back at Cho and then aimlessly around the room, he ran his hand through his hair as as the tears started to fall.

"They are moving her to a room, the nurse said they would come get us when she was settled,"

Jane slowly entered the room, his eyes resting on Lisbon's sleeping form on the bed. He could tell by the way she was breathing she was awake and pulling the chair closer to her, he eased himself into it, gently taking her hand in the process.

He gave it a little squeeze. "Please look at me Teresa," he pleaded.

Lisbon could hear the pain in his voice and she wanted so badly to be able to comfort him, but her own grief was taking its toll on her, and right now she didn't even want to look at him. The baby was the first word out of her mouth when she came to and the doctor had told her the news and for the past 30 minutes she felt so empty. She replayed the moment over and over trying to find something she could of done differently to not of gotten shot. Maybe if she had allowed Jane to come? Maybe if Jane hadn't been such a pain in the ass that day and she not so worn out and distracted she could of moved faster. Maybe if she had just told Hightower about it and not been out in the field, if she had actually listened to Jane, this wouldn't of happened. There were too many possibilities.

"Teresa, please, I know you are awake," Jane's voice was breaking her heart, yet angering her at the same time. She just wanted to him to hold her, but then scream and hit him at the same for being such a selfish bastard and stressing her out to the point of distraction.

Slowly Lisbon opened her tear filled eyes and eventually let them fall on Jane. His face looked lost and hurt, she could see he was unsure of where she was at and it was scaring him.

His hand squeezed hers like it was his lifeline, and in some ways it was. If Lisbon were to pull away from him now and shut him out completely, he didn't know what he would do.

a/n: at least i gave you a full chapter of pure fluff before the drama and angst hit. reviews make my day :)


	8. Chapter 8

"Teresa, please," Jane scooted off his chair and gently onto the bed beside her, facing her. He waited, holding his breath, praying she would look at him.

Slowly, ever so slowly, her eyes met his, yet he saw nothing in them. She was a blank slate and it terrified him. He swallowed hard, reached over and cupped her cheek in his hand.

She closed her eyes at his touch, yet didn't pull away.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, not knowing what else to say.

"No, no baby, I'm sorry," Jane almost broke down at her words and stumbled over his own to try and comfort her. "This...is not your fault,"

At that Lisbon pulled her head away from his hand and looked away. "Yes, it is,"

"Teresa-"

"I don't want to hear it Jane," there was nothing in her voice as she spoke, just emptiness.

"Lisbon," Jane tried to go the sterner route, his fingers slipping around her chin and tugging her face back to look at him. "You couldn't see this coming,"

"I should have,"

"Just like I should of seen Red John coming," he let the words sink in, "I'm begging you...Teresa...this is not your fault. Don't...don't shut me out,"

A tear slipped down Lisbon's cheek as she looked down at his hand over hers. She didn't say a word. She didn't know what to feel

"I'm sorry. I should have been there, I should have been protecting you," Jane dropped his hand from her face. "I'm sorry I annoyed you to the point of you having to ditch me. This is my fault,"

Something about the tone in his voice made Lisbon snap and for instant, anger flashed in her eyes as she glared at him. Then her expression softened as she saw the pain on his face. She wanted to heap the guilt on him, because it partly was his fault and she couldn't handle the possibility of it being HER fault, even though she knew deep down it was partly hers to. Things might of been different if Jane had been there, but she shouldn't have been out in the field to begin with. She allowed herself to be distracted. She opened her mouth to say something, then closed it.

"I'll go...if that's what you want...I wouldn't blame you,"

Lisbon closed her eyes and nodded her head slowly as a tear slipped down her cheek.

Jane started to move, but Lisbon clutched onto his hand as the tears started falling faster and her body started trembling with sobs.

Jane turned his body so that Lisbon could lean against him wrapped his arm around her shoulders as she buried her face in his shoulder and sobbed.

"It's okay, it'll be okay," Jane murmured as tears slipped down his own face.

They sat there for a few moments, clinging to each other, sobbing quietly. Jane trying to murmur soothing words in her hair, as his heart felt heavier than ever. A nurse came in as one of Lisbon's machines started beeping. She pressed a button on one of Lisbon's drips and soon her grip on Jane relaxed and her breathing steadied. Jane leaned his head and closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep as well.

5 days later...

"You got it? You got it? It's okay, i've got ya," Jane slipped his arm around Lisbon's waist as she struggled to rise from the wheelchair to get into the vehicle parked right in front of her.

She leaned heavily against Jane as he practically lifted her from her feet and maneuvered her into the passenger seat.

He reached over to buckle her up, but Lisbon' pushed his hands away and did it herself. Backing off he closed the door, thanked the nurse with the wheelchair and hurried over to the drivers side.

It was a silent ride, Jane insisted Lisbon stay with him at his apartment/condo, easier for her it all being on floor and Lisbon couldn't protest it much. Jane nervously tapped the steering wheel, looking from Lisbon to the road back to Lisbon.

"Stop it, I'm not going anywhere," Lisbon stated, her head resting on in her hand, staring out the window she obviously noticed Jane's eyes on her.

"Sorry," Jane repositioned his hands on the wheel and centered his gaze on the highway before him. "Did you need to stop anywhere and get anything?"

"I would say my apartment to get a few things, but, I assume you already did that," she spoke but there was no emotion in her voice.

"Just trying to make things easier for you," Jane said softly.

"What about Hightower?"

"The team knows...they promised not to say anything to Hightower. Hightower knows you'll be staying with me, but just because she knows we are close,"

Lisbon nodded her head.

The rest of the trip was silent, the only noise was the lulling sound of the tires meeting the pavement over and over again and the hum of the engine as they sped down the highway. Jane was at a loss as to what to say or do. He didn't know how she was going to react to all of this and after her little breakdown at the beginning, that was all the emotion he got out of her. She spent the five days recouping, telling Jane to go to work and that she was fine, but of course Jane stayed silently by her side, waiting for her to open up to him. But it never came. She stared out the window, talked work talk with the guys when they came and visited and at night always pretended to fall fast asleep the moment Jane stepped into the room. Not wanting to upset her while at the hospital, he pushed no matter and just sat silently in his chair or on the couch by the window for the duration of their time at the hospital. Leaving to change clothes, shower, eat and then come right back. He knew a showdown was coming, he just prayed that he would be able break through her barriers before she threw in the towel.

One day. That's all Lisbon lasted. She was attempting to get up on her own from the couch, but when she fell back down and let out a yelp in pain, Jane had come running to her side.

"Hey, what are you doing? What do you need? I'll get it,"

"I can do it myself," Lisbon said through gritted teeth.

"No, that's why you are here, so I can help you," he didn't mean it to come out condescending but the glint of anger in Lisbon's eyes told him he had said the wrong the thing. Throwing up his hands in surrender he leaned back, rolling his eyes. "Or I can let you rip open your stitches, that'll work too,"

"What the hell Jane? I just want to be able to get up my own damn self!"

"Yeah, well I wish you would actually talk to me, we don't always get what we want, do we?" THAT he meant to come out sarcastically.

Lisbon glared at him from her slouched position on the couch. "What is that supposed to mean?" her voice was low and angry.

Jane looked at her, a hint of anger in his own eyes. "Nothing, nothing,"

"No," Lisbon pushed herself to a sitting position, wincing at the pain. "What do you want to talk about?"

Jane resisted from helping her, instead stood himself and walked away from to stare out the window. Biting his bottom lip and closing his eyes, he willed himself to remain calm, taking slow controlled breaths.

"Jane" her voice was almost pleading and in pain as she pushed herself to the edge of couch.

"You've shut me out since this all happened, I don't know what to do anymore,"

Lisbon was silent, so Jane turned around to face her and continued. "I sat by your bed for five days and not one word about losing the baby. Not one word period about how you you were doing, how you were feeling,"

"I'm sorry I wasn't up for talking about my feelings-"

"Okay fine, forget your feelings," Jane bit his bottom lip, this might be the only way to reach her, "What about mine? How the hell do you think I feel? I try to protect you and keep you safe, I annoy you to no end and it results in THIS," he swept his hand towards her, and Lisbon caught the meaning, "This is the second...second child I've lost, it hurts just as much,"

"I'm sorry Jane, ok? I'm sorry. You don't think I don't know you are in pain. I see it, I see it in your eyes! How do you think I feel knowing that I caused it! That I was so stubborn and bullheaded I couldn't pull myself from the field!" she was yelling now, tears building in her eyes, she struggled to stand and Jane didn't help her. "You don't think everyday seeing you in pain doesn't effect me? It makes it hard to talk to you knowing that I'M the reason your in pain. That it's my own fault!"

Jane strode over to her and gripped her shoulders. "It's NOT your fault Teresa!" his voice came out a choked growl. "And I'm not angry at you, I'm not hurt by you. It hurts that he was taken from us. It hurts that I blame myself,"

"Wh-"

"We could go around and around with your fault and my fault..but in the end, we are both in pain and we both need each other,"

Lisbon looked away. "I don't ...I don't know if I can handle this Jane,"

Slowly, his hands dropped from her arms. "Handle what?" he whispered.

"After all of this...I don't...I don't know if this is something I can do..."

"Teresa...don't...don't do this," Jane's eyes were a storm of emotion.

"It hurts too much," Lisbon wrapped her arms around herself as tears slipped down her face and she looked anywhere but at Jane.

"Then let's get through it together, come on," Jane stepped closer and slid his arms around her waist, clasping his hands together behind her back. He bent down slightly to get her to look at him. "I need you Teresa, I need you," he leaned forward and placed kisses on the exposed skin of her neck, trailing them upwards and across her chin till he reached her mouth, where he hesitated for a moment before capturing her lips in a tortured, desperate kiss. One hand trailed up to cup behind her head while the other stayed firm around her holding her to him.

Lisbon was angry. Angry that he would stoop low to use this tactic. Angry at him in general for this whole situation. Angry at herself for loving him too much to fall for it and not continue fighting. But her mind was made up and no matter what happened in the next hour, she was resolved with what would she would do in the morning.

a/n: ahh..more angst! it'll be ok though :)


End file.
